Updated: Apr 16, 2020
This week has been extremely difficult and the reason you ask is why? Well, we all celebrate our new borns "birthdate" each month, and yet we are not allowed to celebrate the "death date" of the ones we lost, or we celebrate or cry in silence. For those who have lost a children, mother, father, significant other, and/or spouse will always remember the day that loved one passed away and this ingrained in our memory for ever! So when this date roll arounds, each person will reflect on how he/she is feeling this day and sometimes it is difficult to put into words and you feel isolated and lonely and if you begin to bring up this date, how will others react to your feelings? This is a big question that many face, and for whatever reason, cannot express, for fear of being judged! Yes, this is true, I face this date of death every month, and the pain is raw, and brings back the memories of the day of his passing, and sometimes it is unbearable. I do manage to push past the pain and cry in silence at night so as not to worry those who care about me.
Memories are the most important part of healing and grieving and I love when friends and family talk about Paco doing this or that as this helps me to move past the loss of him coming home every day. The other day was the first time a I put together a celebration for some friends, who just celebrated their 15 year anniversary, to say the least it was hard for me, but I managed as I realize life continues, and my life is very different now, and this is the hardest part of moving on. YOU cannot be afraid of joy and happiness for those around you, and YOU must allow yourself to enjoy happiness of others, as Paco would not want me to self isolate and turn into a lonely old grouchy person! LOL! That is the truth and I am sticking to it! So for those that really know me are laughing right now!
I truly am a strong person, and will manage to move on and forward with my life, my brain is learning to move on but my heart is taking a little longer for the hole to close! When you truly lose someone very special to you the heart healing takes a little longer, and will eventually mend but at our pace, not the pace of the world! So please give us grace and understanding as navigate this new way of life.
Blessing to all who are still able to hold your loved one tight and kiss them good night, remember that can all be taken away in the blink of an eye, as this is "GOD's" will not ours!
God Speed! Cheryl-