Clarity comes from self-love! Life does not stop due to "death", it just changes one's perspective on life, family and love! One must find happiness within themselves no matter the circumstances and how the circumstances may impact one self. These words are the hardest to hear, and yet we need to listen and hear them to move on with life. As I said previously, I really thought my life ended, but it did not end, only one chapter ended. The chapter of 19 years together with one person, which then changed my whole world, to to begin to live on my own. That was the most frightening thought in this world, how, was I going to survive?
Yes, you are asking "Survive"!!! Yes, this person was my whole world for 20 years, and he was the calm to my storm, he kept me grounded from going off the deep end. Yes, if you can believe I was the storm: and that can mean many things. "Worry- is a storm"-Self-doubt is a storm" and other ways are the storm! Paco, knew what words to say, and what way to make laugh during these storms! For this I am missing him today. He would know what to say and do to help me weather this storm I am facing today!
Over the past year, I have learned that writing is also a way of calming the storm, that I am facing, and this shit storm is a touch pill for me to swallow! But, alas I digress, I will weather this storm as I have weathered all the storms I have faced in the past 30 some years of my life. There are some storms we do not really talk about, but we know they are there, and we find ways to cope with the storms, and how they have defined who we are today. Yes! Each of you have faced a storm too afraid to bring out in the open, you have learned to face the storm and move one! For these storms, I will face and weather and move past. I know, you are thinking, 2 storms, yes for me they are personal, and both challenging at the same time, and yet, I know I will come thru them both stronger and peaceful.
AS, for the storms they are for me to face, and not to share with the world, so, please do not ask! Just know, I am thankful for all those who love me, for me, and respect me for me, and understand my personality! My love for GOD is strong and my love for me is just as strong, and for this I must remember today and always! Thru CHRIST all things are possible, and through self journey, so is life challenges!