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Self-Reflection & Insecurities-

What is your most vulnerable state of mind? Many of us have that thought or worry about how we will be perceived if we allow others to see at our worst and the stages of changes that do occur. we have many friends and family members who judge for how we look, how much we weigh and how we are not the best body type and this is very dementral to our own self image. Well this is big step for me I don't usually post these types of pictures of myself for the world to see. But for me to begin to heal from past bully's and past life choices, then I must be able to show the world the real me.

This is very difficult for me to show the starting picture and the middle to where I am at today. The road to this self change of course came on that fateful day when Paco passed, and I was watching his funeral and really looking at myself and seeing for the first time all he had been saying to me. Mom, you need to put yourself on healthy track and those who know me are "saying she did not bode with that well" Well you are correct, we all make excuses and say tomorrow , but for Paco, tomorrow never came again after December 25, 2019. But for me it did. I had to make a choice to live or let my unhealthy habits be the cause of my untimely death.

My daughter is my inspiration she took control of her life and started on these products "Plexus" they have many products and she we looking healthier and feeling better about herself, so she gave me some samples. And I started to take them and feel better about me, my mood, my gut health and my weight loss journey began. Let me tell you it was not easy, but at the same time, I really had not appetite for eating at that time either. So, that helped to in cutting out all the fast food, giving up my DIET COKE which is my addiction, was so not easy for me.

But I did slowly, I went from 20 oz three times a day to 16 oz once week, then the baby size to None! I know right, all in moderation. But is has to be choice like anything we do in life. The decision is the first step, and then setting a plan is the second step and follow thru till the end of the goal. Of course, I am not finished, I am in the second stage of the goal process. And this stage is the worst. This where you have to push harder when the scale won't budge. But you have to keep plugging on, cause the inches are now shrinking and this is just as important as losing the pounds. Inches help to weigh smaller clothes and others will see the transformation. It wasn't still I put a smaller clothes, to quit hiding, is when others noticed and they say: you losing weight, wow you look great, and you feel like a million dollars. But remember YOU are doing this for you and NO-ONE else. SELF LOVE is the most powerful tool we have and if we lose this then we lose ourselves.

So for all the naysayers: eat my shit cause I don't care what you think of me or how I look, cause I LOVE MYSELF and that is the only person I need to impress at this time in life.

This life journey is not finished and will be a part of who I am after losing the love of my life, but it does not mean that I stop living because he passed, away, it means I have to continue to fight the good fight and find what truly makes me happy. Because when I am happy then other good things will come to into my life and blossom if they are truly meant to be.

Who says love only comes around once in your life, but if you do not open yourself up then you maybe missing out on something else that can be just as fruitful or even better. But till you try you will never know. To all those who take the time to read my story, and my life changes and sometimes just my thoughts to help defog my brain. I truly do love you all and thank you all for being a part of my life journey.

Sometimes life begins when something traumatic happens but you have to let life begin. You have to start somewhere. My starting point was watching my Paco, laying so peaceful in his coffin and then seeing myself in my reflection and hearing his words Please MOM take care of yourself and me saying.....when he drove off in the van "I will be strong Poppy-I will be strong". Those were the hardest words of my life that day and yet the most powerful.

I know I am strong and yet at the same fragile for the fear of the unknown, cause one you day life changes in blink of an eye. When we least expect it and we need to find joy and happiness everyday, for that blink it will be gone!

Till next time!


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