Good morning to all that read! Not so many any more, but then again, that goes, with life. You win some you lose some, and then you find peace in yourself! You know that sometimes, we can find beauty in the smallest things in life, and we want so much to trust and believe in the beauty of what others say to us, and how they treat us. Yet, we must learn to trust and believe in ourselves, before we can go down a path that is unknown, yet, is this the right path, and the right thing to do at this moment in time.
I have changed in many ways, and yet, I in some ways, I have not changed, and this comes from who we are, what lead us to this path, and the changes, that happened, are they good changes or bad changes, or insignificant changes? For this you must ask yourself. HOW can I be a better person, a more caring person, a more trusting person, and is this the most important thing to be the prime meat on my table? I don't know, but I do know, that I must trust my GUT, as you all know a woman's intuition is usually spot on, and they sometimes do not trust themselves to know this to be gospel. LOL! This is a known fact of truth!
It truly amazing how many articles I have read this past year dealing with the loss of spouse, husband, wife, and significant other, and how each of these people are dealing differently, and how they are coping thru the struggle of the loss, and how they are still in the tunnel of darkness so to speak, and will they find the light at the end of the tunnel, well, only they can find the answer and find the strength to seek what they are looking for. AS for me, I am coming out of the tunnel and seeing the light and it feels different to me, yet, I miss him everyday, and I am thankful for the 20 years, we had together, and yet, I have celebrated my birthday alone, without him. Those are the hardest days to celebrate, the ones where we did the fun things together, or just knowing he was in the room! I have not watched any sports since he has passed, and we always watched football-American LOL, and Soccer, the world cup, the Cup de oreo, basketball, march madness, and these little things, are hard to fathom watching just me. I digress.....I know I do that alot lately. LOL. Just me.
Some people will never understand me and my thought process, and the way my brain is wired and functions and how I do truly give my heart to those around me until they use and bruise me, then I move on. Whatever, you do not allow others to say, it is time to move on quit grieving and live among the living, as the time will feel right when you are ready for the time to feel right.
I do know for me, I have not cried at the 25th of each month as the 2 years prior, and but I do know, that that fateful day is coming and it not far around the corner, and that is the day that will always be the hardest for me, and most especially since if falls on the BIRTH OF CHRIST, how fitting for Paco to go to heaven on same day as the BIRTH OF CHRIST, yet, the worst day of my life! Just as November 17th, was the best day ever! SO! They are close together, the best and worst day of my life.
Well, one day...but when, will this day come....who can tell....the stars are not aligned with destiny at the moment. So, we have to make joy the best way we know how.
Just keeping pushing forward, and being the best version of you and all things will come to pass, as the doors will open, and the sun will shine bright and you will see the sun shine and the love bestowed upon you from the angels above! Just believe in yourself.
till next time!