Good morning to everyone! Hope your day is starting off smashingly great! I have been up since the crack of dawn, and was thinking about my day, my life and what the road holds for me. I follow many positive things in instagram, and other sites, and facebook, and realized that I had spent the better part of the morning wasted on my phone, doing none essentials meaningless things on my phone. What a waste of the morning. So! I finally got my lazy butt out of the bed and completed my work out this morning.
If there is one thing I have learned over the last so many years of my life is we are destiny of our own happiness. Others cannot make us happy, we cannot depend on others to be there and support us during our time of need, or just being there. It is sad, that so many say, I am here for you when truly they are not, and then continue to use your kindness and bitch and complain about how life is treating them, when in fact we only have ourselves to blame for the rut we are in. Taking control of one's own destiny is the hardest thing in life we do as young children-this stage our parents still want us to remain little and depend on them-yet we are ready to spread our wings and fly. As a young teen this stage is harder we are learning about ourselves and find it frightening to step out in the world for fear of being judged for the way we look, the way we dress, our mannerism and such. When we are young adults finding love, and deciding our future, what do I really want to do, how do I achieve this and what path am I going to take, also brings challenges. Yet, we survived to become grown adults and we are now learning to make life decisions. Jobs, cars, marriage, single live, gay, straight whatever your preference; it is choice that YOU and ONLY YOU can make. NOT the world!
One thing I have learned over the last year and half is that life can change in an instant and your world is turned upside down and you have no control over the events leading up to the change, and then you have emptiness, and you feel lonely and abandoned and like the world has left you, but yet, the world did not leave you, you left the world. Why do I say this. Cause you place yourself in a holding pattern until you are able to find the strength to understand you had not control over the events, that GOD is driver of when he is ready to call us home and take become his angel of love and guidance!
Each day a new challenge and each day is day to start over and write your new chapter and change the ending of what you want, where you want to go and what you want to be and how you are going to get there. As for me, I am still learning this new process, yet, before Paco, I was independent and self sufficient and not afraid of anything, I would slay any dragon that came into my path. Yet, during the course of my life with Paco, I changed, he changed we became one---meaning we understood the others emotions, how they played into the day, when one was upset, mad, angry or just plain sad. Then one day this changes in blink of eye, and now I am "only 1" and this should not be new to me but yet, it is. Why, he was my life, my everything, and now I am learning to be my life and everything all over again. You know how I know this. I fixed something in my house that was broken and I took the initiative to say I need to fix this and I did. I know Paco was smiling down from heaven and saying "Way to go Mom"! You did you stepped back out into the world and took control of one thing. Baby steps life is about baby steps.
There are still many things to accomplish and gain and complete, I will do them all in good time and do them when I am ready not when the world or others think I am ready. I am strong and powerful and will one day have my independence back and say "FUCK YOU" and move on. Yes, this post is self fulling for me today as I am taking control of what I can control and I am going to let go of what is not needed in my life and to this I say AMEN!
I will continue to love and be loved for who I am what I am and if this does not fit your mold then I guess we were never meant to be!
Till next time!