Hello fellow readers! It has been a hot minute since, I sat down to write and tell a story.
Yes, writing is about telling a story, and so many have been falling my story about a love lost, and a girl trying to learn to live again thru self empowerment and growth.
Well let me tell you this road is hard, and some days are harder than others. Yet, as I sit here and ponder, over the photos that pop up on my screen, which are currently mostly of me, since,I am a widow, single, and only have 2 cats, and sometimes they pop as well. I began to look at those pictures and ask myself, am I beautiful, am I cute, am I ugly, am I sexy, am I gorgeous, and then I asked myself do I need affirmation from others to tell me those things...or am I strong enough to believe in me and say to the world, "YES, I AM BEAUTIFUL, YES, I AM GORGEOUS, YES, I SEXY, YES, I AM A CUTE. EITHER WAY, I DO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF ME! Remember my mantra for this year...before the year ends for me in August "63 & ME! Right, we as women need to learn to depend on OURSELVES, not others for self affirmation.
For those that follow me, you now I have instagram and TIKTOX, and facebook. I post most of selfgrowth inspiration on instagram, not for notoriety but in the off chance, my story may or may not impact someone who is facing loss, selfgrowth, loneliness, depression, and just needing someone to hear a kind word. There are so many stories on TIKTOX, and Instagram of those facing loss, a child, a spouse, a family member, and they are posting their stories for the world to hear. Same as me. I do not post that much on TIKTOX way to many trolls. I may close that account or shut it down not sure.
This story today is really about me seeing myself differently and trying to find joy in me, as a widow, and as a single person, as someone who is trying to relearn how to live. I posted a story on instagram a few weeks back, about my life and how much I have changed over the past 2.5 years. From depending on Paco to help me put on my shoes, helping me to get dressed, and other things as well. To a wow moment, I TIED MY OWN SHOES, I COULD LIFT MY LEG and not feel winded or out of sorts. This is not to gather pity but to let those feeling this way know it can happen and will happen for you. Lately, though, I have been having trouble with my left knee, having swollen and pain, and this has hindered my workout routine, and I can feel it in my mind as well. My mind is not in a happy place right now, and this comes and goes with loss. You can be laughing and having fun to crying and feeling blue and sad, and just wanting the day to end.
Remember to not let people tell you how to grieve, or for how long you need to grieve and do not allow them to say to you "GET OVER IT"! If they do they are not your friend they are foe and move on past them!
I am going to have to find a way to reinvent my workout and walks to compensate for my knee, and help my mind at the same time. So, I joined this "FITON" app, and they have lots of workouts and some yoga and other things, and man I tried a few and it was rough....I am like damn all the work I have done till now I am still not able to do many things. Will this every change, man I am hoping so.....cause, I am just plain tired of being " A BIG GIRL" LOL You all know what I a mean. I don't want to be slim jim or anything like, I just want to be able to move and grove LOL. Well....will leave that to the imagination. LOL.
For that one person reading this today, if you continue to follow great, if not great as well, just means, you were not really a true person or friend. Just remember if you think you can or you think you can't YOU ARE RIGHT!
You are beautiful, you are gorgeous, you are stunning, you are sexy, and GUESS you don't need anyone's affirmation to tell you this!! Only YOURS!
Smile big, sing loud and proud, and find peace and joy within your soul! YOU ARE GREAT!
till next time-