Hello fellow readers! Thank you so much for your support and love! I felt this picture was fitting today, since we just had a wintery mix of snow, ice and such last night. I laid in bed last night and wondered what Paco was doing in heaven....as I am missing him so much....I really thought that it would be easier, but for real is still has hard as the first time. What you ask.....the 25 of January is approaching fast and furious...and it still reminds me of the first month of his Death Birthday! So, I guess the 25 of each month counts down to the most dreadful day of my life.....the day he went to heaven....to become angel.
I guess the hardest thing for me is I really never had the chance to say goodbye, and change things....that I could have done differently....this will always be with me....yet at the same time, I cannot allow this to continue to be driving force of my life....only a small part...is allowed to feel this.....sometimes the world does not realize we need this moment of clarity of sadness, over loss, and need the day to pray, and talk to this person, and then we must pick ourselves up and continue our journey......for those that allow me this are the most special to me....for those that judge me for this...well I certainly hope you never feel this devastation!
Just remember, we cannot pick our birth family, but we can create a new family, with friends, family, and frenemies, and most importantly our FUR BABIES! Always remember that YOU....the READER...are the most important person....in your life....and are the WORLD to someone else....and for this please always feel grateful.....My biggest fan....is now my angel saying you "GOT THIS MOMMY" and sometimes that hurts my heart more than words can say...but I know he is always with me, as I carry him in my heart....and memories, we have created...good, bad, indifferent...and most of all the "LOVE WE SHARED" and most importantly the "LOVE HE BESTOWED UPON ME" during our 20 years of togetherness!
So, each month on the 25th.....I will always have a piece of melancholy or remembering Poppy (Paco), and how much he loved me for me....fat, sassy, and whatever you want to say about me....he loved the whole me.....and he was my biggest supporter...my biggest fan..and he made sure the world knew this...and sometimes...I miss this the most....everyone needs words of encouragement.....everyone needs to feel loved, special and most importantly needed....
I hope to one day find this love again! I pray for this day to come...remember you the READER....are beautiful, you are strong, you are forceful, and you are you...and fight the dragon, to find peace and joy in loving you....and believing in you as I do!
To my special HEART in heaven! Remember that I love you today and always...you are angel now...and I will never stop loving you because you loved me deeply, hard, and unconditionally!
till next time!
PS. I love you! я тебя люблю,ya tebya lyublyu, Te quiero mi amor!
Goodbye! Adios, до свидания,do svidaniya--what is this language!