Dear Poppy! I do hope you are having a wonderful day in Heaven celebrating our Wedding Anniversary----would have been 20 years today!! Cause my day stinks here on earth without you. Here is a picture for you.....of me 2 years later....
Everyone says, oh it gets easier....oh the days....will be better....the nights...we be ok...man they are full of shit......unless they have faced the loss of spouse....it does not get better, it does not get easier....we just manage to find ways to enjoy life differently than before. Am, I a better person....hard to say. Am I different person....most definitely. Does my heartache for you almost everyday.....do, I allow this to consume.......I want to say "NO".....some days more than others.....and yet.....I want to grow and move on...and be whole, healthy.....and wiser than the day or years before......you died....
I want to say the love we had, is still going strong...but the love is different know...you are in heaven.....and I am here on earth....and I know you are the guardian angel watching me....
I am stronger in certain ways Poppy, and still weak in other ways....but, with your love and strength behind me.....I do know I am capable of moving forward, finding new love, and finding happiness....and one day getting to enjoy new love, and happiness!
The sad part of losing someone is you feel like you lost your best friend, confidant, and that is sometimes the hardest part of losing your other half. I know, I have some friends, and some family that still worry about me, care about me, and understand the pain my heart is feeling as others just manipulate and use. Then you have those sitting in judgement of your life, and the pain you are feeling during this loss of life. Yes, Poppy it has been 2 years....and yes, I have grown, and changed in many ways....but one thing remains the same....you are gone...never to return to me.....and this is the most painful feeling on earth.
November from December will always be the toughest time for me. Your Birthday, our anniversary, and then in few weeks mas.....the day you gone to Heaven! Never to say goodbye, never to say I love you again.....never to say....Pandies....you are strong....you are beautiful.....you can handle whatever the world throws at you....those are the things I miss today and always Poppy! YOU WERE MY ROCK DURING HARD TIMES, GOOD TIMES, SAD TIMES, AND HAPPY TIMES! FOR THIS I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER LOVE YOU!
I want you to be happy and running free and enjoying your life with your heavenly family! Celebrate the joy and love we have, had, and will continue thru the ages of time as long as I am here on earth!
I love you Paco (Poppy)! till the end of time!
till next time-