Good morning fellow readers! Hope this day finds you well.....and ready for your big day tomorrow....the delight of small children laughing and saying....look what Santa brought....oh my.....and hearing the laughter ands squeals.....as for me it will be another day....I have already disassembled my christmas tree, and decorations and have put them all away...to make the day like any other day. However; it is far from any other day.....you know how you remember certain dates, things, happy days, sad days, days that pissed you off because you have no control.
Well, I remember today so vividly....as this was the very last day Paco spent on this earth.....and this day will before ever ingrained in my mind.....how we got up....and got ready for work....and drove to the office, like we always do...and we parked the car....and he said....Mom....you like "Santa Claus"....because of the outfit I was wearing and he took my picture....the very last picture he ever took of me....how sad....to have that has a memory....when Christmas Eve is to be a joyous occasion....and celebrating life....not death....but, I digress....everyone remembers, the birth of child, marriage day...(well except for me and Paco...we always forgot....but now it is a day I always remember), and now....I have the memory of his last day on earth.....and waking up Christmas morning....to his passing...and that is forever in my memory as well. I remember saying to all the first responders on Christmas morning, I am sorry...for ruining your Christmas....that you had to come to my house....and all the fateful phone calls to be made....on Christmas morning and apologizing to everyone for bringing sad news. I will be writing tomorrow...but mostly a letter to Paco....on how I am doing....so this message is about his last day....and how the following morning....was the worst day of my life.....as I sit here and cry tears of sadness....as it is now 2 years, and seems just like yesterday.....we were laughing carrying on and just being Cheryl and Paco....well....that is never going to happen on this earth....maybe in heaven....I know he is looking down and smiling on me...yet it does not ease the pain, suffering and loss. Just dulls for the moment.
What is the saddest part...is how people treat. you different....not sure what to say...how to act..or if they still want to be your friend....because it brings so many different memories for all.....that loved him.....he was a kind soul....a generous soul...and so very very handsome....and sometimes I am like...how did I get so lucky...to find this man....it was fate that brought us together....as I wrote in one story how we met dancing....the night away....and how I remember what he was wearing on that night as well....and that is good memory and today is a sad memory. I am happy for all the memories Poppy and I have created throughout out our lifetime together of 20 years....I know right you are saying....20....seems like forever...but it was to short.....I am glad I have those years with him....
I want to thank those that have stood by during this time....during the happy time, the sad times, the loss of Poppy....and allowing me to grieve and mourn....smile, cry and laugh....and for not being afraid to tell stories they remember of him.....his favorite saying was "Mother Fucker" and I about stroked out the first time I heard him say that....and I was like Paco....you cannot say that.....he laughed....he never did stop....when someone was mean to me or pissed him...he say "Mother fucker"....and I would just shake my head....and smile.
I put together is collage of photos.....his last picture of himself....the last picture he took of me....and some of us together as this helps me to remember him, and us....the saddest part is his voice is fading faster and faster from my memory....I do have 2 videos....and l listen to them periodically....it is not the same....as the real deal.....he always told me Mom you have the voice of an angel......of course when I was not mad....LOL.... my friend took the last 2 pictures Paco took and made the one of him watching over me.....be still my heart!
Paco. I will forever love you with all my heart from the day we meet till I take my last breath on this earth! Te amaré por siempre desde el día que nos conocimos hasta mi último respiro!!
Merry Christmas to you in heaven....Feliz Navidad para ti en el cielo
till next time!
cher-
PS. Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad.....Goodbye, Adios! Love you all. Te quiero a todo!
Comments