Book of Life (Month 9)
It is hard to believe that my life has changed so drastically in the past 9 months, and we are nearing the year anniversary of Paco's death! It has been hard year, and life changing soul searching year for myself. IT truly amazes me how many offered me support during these past 9 months, and how many said they would and did not! They say death shows you who your true friends are or who I thought were my friends! Who am I to judge, they may be facing life challenges and life changing situations as well! That is the great thing about self growth and empowerment, the ability to look at situations differently and know sometimes. life just happens, and to not offer judgement upon those!
I am moving on, and looking at life differently and finding solace in being a widow, and knowing that my life is different and will continue to be different and I understand, that I can live in the moment, and not worry about what others thinks or feel, as this is my chapter, my life and my new beginning from the last 9 months. Paco is in my heart, thoughts and prayers daily, as he was big part of my life for the past 19 years! And for this I am truly grateful! He helped me to find me and is still guiding me to find the best me I can be at this time in my life! For this I will always love him!
I still have moments of sadness and cry as this part of my healing process, I do not shed my tears in public eye, only in the comfort of my room and with him! Tears scare people, they sometimes do not understand the flow of tears as this part of life's journey, and sometimes we have to cry in private to help heal our broken heart! Sometimes we must let the naysayer's go and move on to the joy of peace within ourselves! Yes, I know that is hard, but life does move on, and things and people change with the course of the tide!
Just know I love Paco as much today as the first time we meet so many years ago! I enjoy reminiscing about our love story to anyone who wants to listen,on how we met, and danced the night away! That is for another day and time! For now, I wanted to say thank you for those who have stood by during my dark hours, and my coming out of darkness, and now seeing the light at the end of tunnel, which is being guided by Poppi! with his bright shining heart of love for me! Poppi you are more forever love!