Hello to my fellow readers, and followers. Yes, it has been a hot minute since, I have written anything. Like with life, writing has to flow, and the words and thoughts will regurgitate of my brain and then, the light bulb goes off and guess, what I am writing. My blog is not like all the typical blogs you might read and follow, this blog is for me to write my feelings, my thoughts, my life challenges, as an outlet to help me find peace, comfort, and happy endorphins, that may or may not bring sunshine to my other dull life.
Yes, yes, yes, don't say me my life is not dull, cause at this day and time, I am dull, the sparke is out the flame is dying, and finding myself is sometimes very hard to do on a daily basis, and if you find this blog or story depressing then by all means keep moving on. Cause life is full of SHIT not always filled with SUNSHINE, and if you are of this mindset, then FUCKING kudos to you....cause for this BITCH...life is full of SHIT and the SHIT is hard to deal with everyday, and finding JOY, HAPPINESS, and OTHER.....it FUCKING hard. YES, YES, YES, I SAID FUCK! It his upsets you then move the hell on......cause today I am keeping it real.
Life is real, and daily struggles are real, and learning to fake it till you make can also be old. But I digress. Adjustment as a widow is very hard, all friends are married, have a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other and you sometimes feel like the third wheel, and you feel like they are just placating you to keep you alive. The question becomes, do you find friends who are also widow, widowers, and or just plain divorced, as they to are facing loneliness...but with a divorced person, was that their choice, or not....it is interesting. Anyways as widow when do you decide the time is right to move on, or not move on and how do you keep the memories alive, when you are finally going to decide to jump onto a new boat and try to live again. Yes, yes, it is living again....cause you are putting your soul out in the universe, and then the big question...is when do you or do you have to tell let others know you are moving on? Just food for thought!
Everyone has adjustments they are dealing with within life. Loss, is a major adjustment, divorce is a major adjustment, losing friends is also major, so, as humans our emotions take over and we succumb to the inner turmoil, and then that controls our lives. We allow the end to be the end of life, how do we take the end to review as a new beginning. With loss, it a new beginning, we were not planning on losing them, and then becoming single in drop of a hat. The song by BREAD "LOST WITHOUT YOUR LOVE" or I CAN'T FIND THE WORDS TO SAY GOODBYE" played today on my pandora music, and I broke down in tears.....cause I am lost without him. He was my sunshine, he was my motivator, and the one who kept me on a even keel. YET, NOW I MUST LEARN TO UPRIGHT MYSELF ON EVEN KEEL!
I am trying to keep moving, and walking and working out, as this helps me to find a balance, and yet, some days it is a real struggle to even get the HELL out of bed. Learning to find happiness to overthrow depression FUCKING SUCKS...the big weenie! Yet, we must push through the pain, and sadness, and get up and smile, as this helps to find something to be happy about. Yes...yes...yes...you are the sunshine for that one person, and I do hope you find the words to let them know how much you care, and give them kindness, as those struggling with depression do not see the joy and happiness you may see. Be kind, be strong and be PATIENT!
To all remember this: YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH, YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE THE WORLD TO ONE PERSON, AND YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME AND THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND!
Till next time!